#11 Managing Emotions: Strategies for Resilience Amid Unexpected Emotion

Stewart Bogle
Apr 29, 2024
5 min read

Updated: May 20, 2024

One day, something came on television, and it triggered some powerful emotion in me. It was sudden and unexpected, and it hurt. Over the years, I’ve had many of those moments. It can be a song that comes on the radio, a smell that's familiar, or a photo that pops up on a feed from a time long ago.

Recognizing Emotional Triggers

Does that feel familiar to you? Something happens that suddenly brings on those often-uncomfortable emotions that seem to come from nowhere? What’s that about? These emotions can be so strong. It can feel like you're back in that place where you got wounded in a second and feelings of fear, hurt, grief, confusion or …. (you fill in the blank), can rise and threaten to overwhelm you. The emotions I felt this day were sadness and loss.

It would have been easy to let these emotions take hold, to flourish inside my head, and then drop down into my heart so that out of nowhere things changed and I was really struggling, or at the very least, feeling suddenly very sad. It’s not new, and so I knew it wouldn't last, but I can let it last much longer than it needs to, or I want it to.

"You don't have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you." - Dan Millman

I recall another time when I was in a very dark place and was walking through a busy airport. A thought, coming out of nowhere, popped into my head and it triggered an avalanche of emotion. It went from my head to my heart quickly. I stopped suddenly in the crowded airport and dropped my head and felt the emotion surge. I tried to fight off the tears that had rushed in behind my eyes, because this was incredibly inconvenient and potentially very embarrassing. It was hard to know what was happening or why. Emotions have a way of doing this. Dropping in like an unexpected visitor at the most inconvenient moment.

Building Resilience When Emotions Hit Hard

I was thinking how it might be good to be prepared for moments like this. I think it might even be helpful to develop an action we can turn to in order to address the reaction we are experiencing when triggered. When that happens to me and emotions threaten to overwhelm me, I could use something equally deep and just as automatic to do in response. I need a neural pathway to form. I need a deep ingrained habit to kick in when I’m walking or driving or doing things around the house and a song, or thought, or smell sets me off, and I find myself in a very emotional state. Each one of us will be different, but I think preparing a response when we get triggered could be really useful. We need to recognise we’ve been set off and automatically or immediately activate that action to help us deal with it. It could be that you immediately turn to God in a pre-rehearsed prayer or recall a verse you always recite when it happens or say a quote quietly to yourself that means something to you.

"The mind is like water. When it's turbulent, it's difficult to see. When it's calm, everything becomes clear." Unknown

Finding Peace in Tough Times

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with allowing a thought to come, to feel emotions, to sit in them, to become curious about them and to process what’s going on. This can be an important part of the healing process, but for me, sometimes it can be counterproductive and even a little debilitating. There needs to be a place to feel and explore and process but it’s not always the right time or a convenient place.

You already probably recognise those emotions when they rise and may have a way of engaging with them already. Only you can tell whether or not it is a good time to process when they rise up to the surface. However, if it’s not a convenient time and you find it hard to get unstuck, I’d suggest you consider developing an action or a habit to help address it when it comes out of nowhere. Otherwise, you may spend too long down the painful rabbit trail or feel debilitated and out of control.

Some of you might be experts at putting off the processing completely. You’ve learnt to bury the feelings deep and when they threaten to pop to the surface you know exactly how to push them back down and lock the door. That probably serves you well at times when that smell or song or thought arrives to trigger a memory or you're walking in a crowded airport and emotions rise. I’m not you, and we will have very different personalities, but I want to encourage you not to ignore something that keeps threatening to pop to the surface. Sometimes, finding a way to process, name and address that deep pain is a healthy thing, and can ultimately reduce the power of a memory or an experience that's locked away inside you.

Regardless of how you typically handle situations, I believe that preparing in advance and having mechanisms ready for when emotions arise unexpectedly could be of real benefit. These mechanisms can serve as valuable tools in your toolkit for building resilience and managing those moments when emotions catch you off guard.

“….we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5b)

From Reflection to Action: (These are just suggestions – maybe choose 1 or 2 to try)

Write out and carry a quote with you or memorise a Scripture you can quickly draw upon when emotions arrive at an inconvenient time (see suggestions below this section). One suggestion is 2 Cor. 10:5 ".. we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
Acknowledge your emotions: Take a moment to pause and acknowledge your emotions when they arise unexpectedly. Practice deep breathing or note down what you are feeling somewhere and commit to coming back to it when there is more time and space to engage and process.
Explore Inspiring Reads: Try these other helpful resources to start to develop new habits that might become automatic for those times when inconvenient thoughts arrive: Atomic Habits by James Clear or Tiny Habits by B J Fogg
Tune into Encouraging Podcasts: Listen to the stories of others from the Resilient Souls podcast who have had to learn to deal with painful and difficult emotions.

Bible verses about emotions and turning to God when they hit:

Philippians 4:6-8 (NIV): "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Isaiah 41:10 (NLT): "Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."
1 Peter 5:7 (TLB): "Let him have all your worries and cares, for he is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you."
Psalm 46:1 (NLT): "God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble."
Isaiah 43:2a (NIV): "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you."